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My house is about to explode! I have a 5 year old girl and a 3 year old boy. We have just moved to a new house in a nice neighborhood with plenty of other kids. For the first time since they were born, we are settled into a permanent place (We have moved 5 times in 7 years). They seem to really like the house and their new rooms and are happy to be in a neighborhood with a lot of kids.
I know these are dramatic changes and stressful times that adversely effect their behavior. However, I need to make sure that I reverse this now so that it does not become habit. Some of the things that have changed are: They are constantly fighting with each other and us, they are lashing out verbally and physically, they have begun to hit each other where before they were extremely protective of one another and they seem to be constantly testing us (not listening, repeatedly misbehaving).
They will be playing nicely until we get on the phone or we are talking to someone. They will stop playing (my daughter more so than my son) and do everything possible to interfere with our conversation. We have tried several tactics such as special time together, playing games with no interruptions, reinforcing good behavior and not responding to bad behavior. Much of the advice that I have read, we have tried, but the behavior remains.
Your kids are really being little terrors, aren't they! It sounds as if you have already hit upon the problem. You have moved so much, they don't see this as permanent either. The major thing your children need is your love and consistency.
If they play with other children, be sure they are properly supervised. Don't leave them with other parents without knowing their behaviour expectations. Many children act in the way you are describing and it is possible that there is some imitation going on.
For the most part, though, just be consistent. Be sure they know your expectations and follow through with appropriate action if they disobey. You and your wife must be together on this or it will never be peaceful in your house again.
You and your wife have a difficult job--parenting. It never gets easier and there are no easy solutions. Remain consistent in your rules and expectations of the children. Enjoy your children. Their good behavior should return, but then they will find other areas to test you in!
I have a five year old daughter that will not listen to a word I say. I have sent her to her bedroom repeatedly but that does not seem to bother her. What can I do about her behavior?
Wow! Do I understand your situation! I had a son and a stepson like that. When they made up their mind to do something or NOT do something, it was very difficult to change their minds. Always remember YOU are the parent and she is the child. I found a lot of help in the book by Dr. James Dobson, "The Strong-willed Child." Dr. Dobson had a strong-willed child of his own. He is not a psychologist who is just spouting out what he learned in school; he is telling it from his heart. In fact, I believe the book has been recently revised. Any Christian bookstore should have it or can order it. I have even seen it in the Half-Priced Bookstore. Your local library probably has a copy! Anyway, you would be well-advised to read it.
This is not a problem dealt with easily and it will not go away. You need to understand your child before she gets into school. Every teacher will have a different idea of how to deal with her. Most will need and welcome your understanding of your child's personality in order to handle her in school. You need their cooperation as she needs consistency. Enjoy your child!
Is parenting a child worth all the sacrifices and loss of intimacy between you and your partner?
Oh yes, parenting is extremely rewarding. You may lose intimacy or spontaneity on a certain level and you may need to be a little creative in finding those special moments. But, it is worth it. Knowing you went to extra care in order to provide time together can be especially pleasing to your spouse. You may have to arrange baby sitting by swapping times with a friend. You may have to feed the kids at a separate time from the adults. Then you and your spouse can have a late supper together. Don't let intimacy suffer because you have children.
This is a different time for you, but you can grow together through it. Parenting, and marriage, for that fact, takes a lot of communication and working together, but it is all worth it. I have 5 children and now 7 grandchildren. I know that if you don't take time for the two of you now, when you reach the Empty Nest stage of your life, you won't know each other.
Take care and enjoy each other and your children
HELP!! My 10 year old is having difficulties with everything!! I have 4 kids and none belong to my husband, though he has been their father for 9 years. My 10 year old seems to be the only one with a problem with it. I left his father just after his first birthday due to physical abuse. When the "biological" grandfather got ill (my son was 4), my husband and I took the kids to visit him. My "ex" was there and told my son that "he was his daddy when he was a baby".
We have been dealing with this ever since. My son did not understand and we have tried to tell him about his "heritage" without degrading his biological father. This is very hard to do. My "ex" used to beat me and hide my kids from me when he got drunk. The cops were called several times (because I was young and stupid). The last straw came when I was pregnant with my youngest. He beat me while I was 8 months along... That baby is now 9 years old and fine. But my 10 year old has said that he wished he was never born, that I don't love him and he wished he was with his "real" dad. We have done everything to reassure him but it doesn't seen to matter what we say...HELP!!!
You have a difficult situation. My children were very aware of what their father put me through, yet my boys always wanted us together. It's difficult to understand, but children want their parents together. Sometimes kids are smarter than adults. They know God's plan for mankind was actually the best one. However, as adults we know it doesn't always work that way. Unfortunately, your ex thought he had the right to beat you. He did not and he is the one who lost. I know it is difficult now, but your son hurts. Eventually he will grow up and know that the one who loved him was the one who raised him and lived through all of his tantrums. He wants what he thinks is his right to have: A biological father who loves him.
It's also hard at his age to explain to his peers that he doesn't know his father. He doesn't know how to tell them that your husband is his father now. This frustrates him, so he takes it out on the two of you. Always explain to him that you do love him and that you know he wants his real dad. Help him to see that his REAL dad is your husband.
My children are all grown now and they call my husband "Dad". This started with every one of them after they left home. It was then that they realized who their REAL dad was. Hang in there, it isn't easy being a parent.
I have a 13 year old daughter and she has a 14 year old boyfriend, do you think it's appropriate that she starts dating?
I think 13 and 14 is way too young for the responsibility of dating. It may even be too soon for group dating or double dating. Meeting together at a dance or a party (well-chaperoned) or the skating rink or movies could be good. Even being dropped off by one parent and picked up by the other could be good. It is very easy to want to back off because they seem so cute at this age. However, they need time to get used to their raging hormones and they need to be in safe situations for this.
I did not date until I was 16; my children did not date until they were 16. I'm not even sure that this was old enough in all instances. It has to be a parental call. I have had friends who did not allow "single-dating" until the child was 18. Of course, then the child left for college so that could have turned into a nightmare!
I think 16 is a good age to consider. She will scream that "everyone is doing it" but who is the adult here? You have the responsibility of making wise choices and decisions for your children.
A year ago, I helped my 10 year old twins start a golfball selling business. They pick up golf balls, clean them, and resell them in egg cartons.They have made business cards, posters, signs. brochures, a directory of customers with their preferences.I did not realize what a success this would be. I am so proud of them.
I let each take $10 per week for spending money. For a year, I have let them spend this on anything that they wanted: books, movies, etc. Sometimes they save up for a big toy or game. They have learned so much. It has been nice for me and dad, but they really waste their money a lot of times. Should I make them save part of their money or should I regulate what they buy and deem what is wasteful and what is not.
You have raised some really industrious kids. I know some adults who would be interested in their entrepreneurial skills. I'll bet they are whizzes at school!
I do think that they should be taught a little about budgeting. $10 a week is a pretty nice allowance to spend on just whatever. It is good that they have already learned to set goals (big toy or game) and save for it. Continue to encourage that. Maybe you could also make them responsible for certain expenses ... birthday gifts for friends, gifts for teachers, Christmas gifts, etc. If you go to church, you should make them set aside a portion of their money every week for the Lord. They could also use their money to participate in missionary offerings.
Yes, I do think you should regulate what they buy. If you don't do it, their peers will. Your children need to learn their values from you, not their peers. Good luck
My daughter has befriended a girl at school who is almost blind and has learning disabilities. The little girl's mom called to thank me for all that Sarah has done for her child. She would like my child to come and play with her child.
They live in the projects and I don't want Sarah in that neighborhood. The child does not want to come to our house because she is afraid. Her mom suggested we meet at the park on a Saturday. I really do not want to do this either.
I am glad that Sarah has helped this child but I do not want to pursue a friendship with this mom who has a lot of problems of her own. She keeps calling and asking when we can get together. What can I do?
You have raised a beautiful daughter. You have taught her that "pretty is as pretty does". That is obvious by the kindness she has shown this girl. Now you are at a turning point.
Do you want your daughter to be a snob? No. Go to the park. You do not have to become buddies with the mother of your child's friend, but you do need to show your daughter that you meant what you taught her.
You've been given a test, Mom. You have taught your daughter to know no prejudice. Now it is time to prove to her that you meant all of the things you have taught her. It is hard, but if you don't, you fail the test.If you fail, your daughter is old enough that she will learn from your failure. You might not want the result.
Go to the park. I don't think you will be sorry.
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